I just lost my drain of thought

Happy Lunar New Year! Hope it was funsies for all who celebrate. My roommates and I rang in the new year with a countdown and by setting up a shrine to ourselves, but I decided it was probably bad luck, since we are neither deities nor dead. haha. So I moved our pyramid of Cuties (some sort of tangerine, I presume) to our telephone stand. It’ll welcome people as they come in to visit. We just did it for fun, but I’m guessing we’re going to get a lot of “You’re so Asian…”s. Yup, even Katlyn. haha.

I got sort of a bad start, since I stupidly did not finish prepping for my oral presentation in Chinese and then I sang too much in choir, if there is such a thing. My voice felt yucks and my presentation was horrible, but it’s all ohhh-va. The singing was super fun as usual, but I don’t think I allowed myself to enjoy it as much as I should’ve, because I kept looking at the clock, worried that I would have nothing prepared for my presentation in time, which I didn’t. I went up there and sort of winged it and it was a mess. My TA gave me looks of dismay and confusion from the side, but I just kept talking, filling up time and space with nonsense. I just get so nervous when I have to talk in Chinese. Actually I get nervous when I have to do anything in front of others, because I have intense performance anxiety (No. Not that kind.). Don’t tell me that I don’t, because it’s pretty apparent when you actually see it happen. And don’t tell me I’ll grow out of it, because it doesn’t just go away after a while. ALSO, don’t tell me it happens to the best of us. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean and how that would help me. Anyway, it was pretty awesomely bad.

I decided I wanted to go home earlier than I would if I went with my sister, so I tried a new bus route home. It took a little over two hours, which would be about as much time as it would take my mommer to drive there and back. This was a much more pleasant experience than prior ones, because the first bus I went on was clean, spacious and free of creepers. I wasn’t even scared when I started dozing off, though I tried to keep myself awake anyway, because I wanted to see the sights. This bus route was totally different from the ones I’ve taken before and it drove by some cool stuffs. The second bus was kind of grimy looking. The people looked a lot sadder and I felt claustrophobic after a while. At least I got a seat this time, though. I hate standing with all my junk. My gigantor laptop doesn’t feel nice when it’s giving me scoliosis, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m a fan of public transportation, because first of all, I don’t have to drive. Second of all, I get to observe people (without veering off the road). Haha. On this trip, I overheard a girl talking about how she doesn’t want to have a baby this year, because if she did, she might go on Welfare, but maybe next year. I also made a note to myself that if I were ever going to have kids, I would not let them become spoiled. Instead, I will raise them poor while Mommy gets to live fancy. What invoked this thought was seeing this little chubby girl. Though cute at first with her sparkly flats and wannabe grown-up look, I realized after a while what a brat she was. If her loud “EXCUSE ME”s as she shoved through a crowd of people near the front weren’t enough, she was also saying things like, “I need the lights off, please!” I wanted to tell her, “Dude, you’re on a bus. Are you expecting some sort of concierge service?” but she probably would’ve tried to order someone to take me out. But yeah, that was my bus adventure.

I came home to a room with floor space and it was marvelous. My sister and I did some intense decluttering last weekend and I was so happy to see it again. My mom said she’s never seen my room so clean and I don’t think I have either. Not since before I moved in when it was empty. I do intend on keeping it this way. I’ve been working on giving up things I don’t need in my life, so hopefully the clutter does not get any worse.

Speaking of decluttering, I decided to make that my resolution for this year. Not just physical things but mental too. It’s going to be hard, but I’m going to devote copious amounts of effort to doing so. I want a clean atmosphere at home, at school, in my mind. I’m not going to let myself down about stupid stuff anymore. I’ve been working these past few weeks on starting over. I finally allowed myself to truly let go of something, of somebody, and it feels awesome. I realized I was only keeping those thoughts around as a cushion to keep myself from worlds of hurt, but it really hinders me more than anything, blaming someone else for my own problems. It doesn’t make me any less of a bitter person though. Still the same ol’ me. I just feel bad when people realize I’m just a grumpy old lady most of the time, especially my roommates. haha. My other resolution is to marry one of my superstar dream hubbies. I think this is the year, peeps.

What better way to kick off this whole starting over process than by watching Amelie? Though a little hyped up for me, I did enjoy it. I like the quirkiness of the characters and the creativity of the film itself. A couple people have said I remind them of Amelie, but I don’t know why. I am not nearly one-one hundredth as creative in strategizing and I don’t receive life changing advice from the old man next door, but that stuff would be nice every once in a while. I feel sort of like Pushing Daisies bit off some of the style of that movie, but whatever, I don’t get sick of stuff I like. I also now know where that stupid travel company stole that gnome idea from but decided to make it far more creepy. The idea was much better in the movie. It should stay that way. I really liked the movie though. My interpretation was that you need to find someone who is on the same page as you, someone with the same kind of quirkiness and such. Someone who is cute, French, and drives a motorbike of some sort. haha. And I guess when you realize who that someone is, your heart glows and you devise all sorts of intricate plans. Man would I love to live in a movie.