I just lost my rain of thought

I tried to write a dramatic story about what my hair meant to me back in the day when I didn’t like to change it and it was always long, but it came out sounding stupid. I just want to say that it’s really dumb for people to get super attached to their gross ankle-length hair and for them to cry when they cut it off on those talk shows that their friends and family have sent them to for the very fact that they need to gain some confidence and come out from hiding under their hair. Back in the day, to me, it was a constant, something that didn’t have to change even if everything else did and something that I could change whenever I felt like it. Nowadays, I just wake up with a puff on my head, which I pat down and let gravity do its thang and then leave for class. I didn’t mind cutting it off a good chunk of it for a worthy cause. One of the reasons was because I’d been wanting to start over anyway and move on from things that were holding me back and cutting off my hair was symbolic of doing that. Another reason, though, is that, while I can cut off all my hair and not care that much because I know that it will grow back and it can keep changing if I want it to, there are people out there who don’t have the same luxury as I do. I think it’s tough to realize how important hair is when you don’t know what it’s like not to have it.

So I decided to give my ponytail away to Pantene Beautiful Lengths. I’m not sure if it was the best org to give it to, but I thought that women deserved to get wigs too. Hair is something that makes a woman feel feminine and losing it to a sickness is quite a blow to one’s confidence. Friends, since summer is coming up, it’d be a nice time to donate your ponytails for a good cause! There are a lot of orgs that accept different lengths and for different causes, so Google that shizz.

I like the writing class that I am taking, Food in Fields and Genres, because it helps me write with more intention. Though I procrastinate when doing the work for the class (which I happen to be doing right now), the comments I receive from my professor and the pieces of lit we read and discuss make me think more about the words I put down on a piece of paper or type. I probably wouldn’t have taken this class were it not for my college’s writing requirement, since I don’t like writing all too much (this may come as a surprise to you, since I write super long entries about nothing all the time), but I am glad I am in it. What it has not helped a whole lot, though, is my tendency to write long-winded sentences. Teehee. If my writing is only clear to me, then so be it!

I vowed to finish my Chinese book report today. What did I do instead? Watch two episodes of Monk, edit my resume, apply for a job I was editing my resume for, get sucked into MySpace and YouTube, eat myself sick, watch more TV, and then walk around the apartment like someone with ADHD. I picked up my book that I’m supposed to read for my class tomorrow for like a second, but then I realized what’s wrong with me. Well right before that, I was thinking, Man, getting started on something is the hardest part. I don’t know why I can’t overcome that. It went from being 3 something to 10 something so quick. And while I was romping around the apartment, I realized this, which applies to everything in my life, including my current sitch: I seem to expect quick results with little effort put in. It’s something I really need to work on. I suppose I can get all cliche about it and say that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I didn’t even put too much effort into coming up with that. So I will work on fixing that about myself. My report is not going to pop up out of nowhere. And my little freakout sesh yesterday was for no good reason. I finally understand the other point of view.

And by the way, I love looking at my resume, not because it’s got anything cool on there in particular, but because it makes me feel so grown up, like I’ve actually contributed to society, when, in reality, almost all my experience is just volunteer stuff at school. haha. This was the first time I was actually sending it out for a job. The only reason I have a resume is because I applied for stupid Ad Team, which I guess is a blessing in disguise, because who knows when I would’ve actually written it up if that didn’t push me to do it?

Huzzah for four-day weekends and the three-day school weeks that come after them!! Life’s been good in the hood as of late. I’ve been laughing and smiling a lot again. I think I got my soul back. haha. Never should’ve sold it to Milhouse, who in turn traded it for Alfie ALF pogs. Hope at least one person understood that. Perhaps I owe my joy to the consistent choir rehearsals we’ve been having. Yays! Still feeling the bruises and aches from snowboarding but feeling spiffy anyway. Frohe Vertrauenstag alles!

While I am starting over, I noticed many people around me seem to be going backwards in time, going that extra step beyond reminiscence. I’d like to think that’s where the plumpish guy in the building across from our balcony went. He decided he wanted to go back to the life he had before he liked to stand on his balcony shirtless, sometimes staring at the girls across the way innocently sitting in their livingroom with their curtains drawn back, who did nothing to deserve such an unpleasant sight, or sometimes just staring outwards into the world with a distrustful eye. Now some lady lives there, instead, who has our lamp. But then again, who doesn’t? That’s the beauty of mass produced, inexpensive Ikea products. Well, wherever you are, Almost Naked Guy, hope you’re having a jolly fun time.

Sometimes I think that it’s stupid to chase your past. It’s called the past for a reason. But I know that there are some things worth going back for and hopefully that’s what these people are doing and not just trying to relive the good times.

I’m done with midterms now. Phew. Too bad I feel miserable after each one. I’m not exaggerating. I’m just not a good test taker. I especially hate multiple choice questions, because they purposely try to confuse you. Midterms season is something I definitely do not want to relive, but alas, we must face this horror every quarter.

Speaking of the past and horror, check this chick out.

While doing group projects that involve papers, I realized that I am not the most horrible writer at school. I wish I had confidence boosters like this more often. Some try to be nice and tell me that I am not a bad writer at all, because they’ve read my stuff here and it’s not too disgusting, but it’s totally not the same because I write here by choice, whereas school papers are forced upon me and they do upset me so. Plus, how I write here is colloquial and involves lots of made-up words that professors and TAs may not understand.

I have had the same song stuck in my head all day and it refuses to leave. I just start singing it without even realizing it. It’s a song I learned Thursday in choir that’s pretty fun called Lily in the Valley. Here’s a video that’s pretty cool because they’re Brits. haha

Some nights I just don’t want to sleep…but this, oddly, results in me sleeping through two alarms and missing class the next day. I just want to stop time and do all the stuff I need to do sometimes. Everyone should be allowed to do that every once in a while, but I guess we’d age a lot faster that way if you think about it.

I had a dream that I had a hangnail. It was pretty horrific.

I really love when people visit me because it happens so infrequently. I don’t really leave my apartment much except to go to school, so it’s nice to be outdoors for other reasons. haha. Anyway, I will post some pictures of my adventures with Everlyn soon, because we did the whole UCLA tourist shabang. And also thanks Jesse for visiting me this week and becoming stalkworthy to the Bruce Lee Hobo!

Side note, nothing to do with visitors:
I always try to make it my goal each year to just try to love everyone and see the good in people, but it’s so hard for me. I know quite a few people who have no trouble being nice to everyone they encounter and ignore the fact that some people are socially handicapped or are just plain jerks, but I simply cannot understand how they do it. Maybe I was just born with a malicious heart and only accept those who I do not find annoying or fake.

Someone is eating Cup Noodles in the computer lab. I can smell that stuff from a mile away. Just kidding, that would be impossible. I guess I can smell it from, like, 20 feet away. In an enclosed room. Hey, it’s better than not being able to smell it at all. I kind of have a craving for Cup Noodles now. I personally love them but don’t eat them a lot because I don’t want to be a waxy old woman. My favorite is probably shrimp because of the little spongy shrimp-like things. I’m sure that sounds tantalizing to most. No? Just me? Okay.