I just lost my rain of thought

I’ve been so out of it lately. I haven’t done anything productive in weeks, it seems. I’m such a bum! And I’ve been getting sleepy a lot earlier lately. What is wrong with me? Also, I am very irritable. Maybe it’s the Spring Quarter Blues. I can’t wait for summer.

I’ve been flyering this week for this referendum we were trying to get passed to fund student-led sustainability projects called The Green Initiative Fund, which has already been passed at three other UCs and last night we found out IT PASSED! Yayyy! 74% of the voters voted yes on it! All that bad press from all those Negative Nancys seemed to have had little effect on the voters, or it could possibly have been the lightbulbs that we handed out that won people over. Haha, just kidding. I hope. Flyering kind of sucked and I probably didn’t help a whole lot, but it’s over now. Yays. Thanks to all who voted yes!

So I am in my second week of school already. Craziness. Time is flying by so fast! Last week felt like it lasted a really long time, but maybe it was because of the little sleep I got. I had quizzes every day in Chinese and for the first time in my college career, I was scared poopless by my Chinese class. It is so intense! They talk so so so fast and I catch maybe 75% of what’s being said. My paper writing skills, as illustrated today in another class in addition to Chinese, are dismal, and I am in need of drama watching so that I can keep up with the Prof’s and the TA’s motormouths. When I go into class, I feel like my heart is going to explode because I have to listen so intently that I feel stressed. I don’t think a class has ever done that to me before. I also feel like my TA and professor are the same person but different genders, because they both have some funny mannerisms that I can’t explain.

Because Chinese is so scary and I am also taking a writing intensive class, I was having trouble deciding if I should keep my fourth academic class. I was afraid I wouldn’t graduate in time if the class happened to interfere with another class I needed next quarter, as it did this quarter. Some days I would think I’d be okay, but then the next morning, I’d walk into Chinese and realize I must be crazy. Then I’d go to English and think about how bad I am at organizing thoughts. After half a week of thinking really hard about it, I decided not to keep the class, comforting myself with the thought that if my classes did interfere with one another, I could always graduate and then take the last class in the summer and be dunzo. That still costs monies! But it’s better than having to stay another quarter. Yep.

Anywho, Wednesday night I became a rock star at Hyperion Tavern in Silver Lake. Not really, but it was a fun place. It was one of the 27 things my sister wanted to do before turning 27, so my roomies and I traveled from afar (not super far but traffic kinda sucked for a while) to hangarang with her and her friends. Wednesday nights are Rockband nights at the quaint little bar from 9pm to 2am and people get on a little stage and rock out. People are very supportive and never boo but instead cheer you on whether you can’t keep a beat if your life depended on it or you are the most tonedeaf person in the world, so don’t be afraid to try it! My first time up I played drums, which was okay. I’ve never been too good at that whole multitasking thing with the pedal and such, but I think that should stay my instrument of choice. The second time I went up, I tried my hand at singing Celebrity Skin by Hole, only to realize, Hey I sang this at my neighbor’s last time and I didn’t really know it, why did I choose it again?? but it was too late and I had to keep going, failing within a few seconds. I was then saved by my sister’s friend, forcing me to continue on, butchering every other line except. As horrifying as that was for me, since I have massive stagefright, I still wouldn’t mind doing it again so I can conquer my fear! Yee! If you’re interested, look up Hyperion Tavern and you will find plenty of writings on it, many of them a little outdated. Just substitute Guitar Hero Nights for Rockband Nights.

The next night I went with Michelle and her peeps to Sugar, where I was assaulted on more than one occasion. The first incident took place when a more than tipsy acquaintance hit me in the eye while rushing to hug Michelle for no apparent reason. I was then hit by hair several times as well as pushed away from the circle during this strange routine they call dancing. Later on, I was sitting on a couch, when someone sitting on the back of the couch elbowed me in the chin. He must’ve had a physical tic or something because that’s the only reason I can think of for his elbow coming at my face with so much force. Who moves their elbows like that? I don’t go around swinging my elbows, especially when there’s someone sitting behind me whose face is elbow-level. He apologized but I was in no forgiving mood, so I just gave him a dirty look. After that, I went back to the dance floor and it seemed like that’s when all the creepers came out from hiding or something. Overall, the club was okay. The highlight was probably talking to some cute guy I will never see again, but that was followed almost immediately by uncomfortably talking to some creeper who wanted to buy me an overpriced drank, which I declined. That was what propelled me back to the dance floor. I feel like the idea of clubbing gets exponentially worse with each time I go, but at least this time I wasn’t harrassed by my own friend. So I think that was it for me. The next time I go is when Katlyn finally gets an ID. haha.

Friday morning I had class at 9 but didn’t get up in time, so I continued to sleep for a couple more hours. I had an interview across the street, which did not go as well as it could’ve. haha. I have to be one of the worst interviewees ever. Still not sure if the job is mine, but if it is and I like it, maybe I’ll just quit my other one, even though there’s less than a month left.

On Saturday, I went on the Metro Art Tour of Los Angeles, which was super fun, but I want to devote a whole post to it, so that will come next. Sunday I went to Rose Hills for the Chinese Grave Sweeping Holiday to visit my grandpa. It’s sort of a strange event to outsiders who do not practice such rituals but don’t be surprised to see Asian people eating next to their loved ones’ graves on this holiday each year.

As for this week, it’s been going by really fast. I had two papers due Monday, both of which I did horrible on. I also had a quiz, which I did not score that high on, because I was late and the TA refused to repeat any words for latecomers. I was late because the shuttles are wack at that time. They take forever, so the crowd grows and grows. Then they only let a certain number of people on and shut the doors on everyone else. The funny part was that the guy in front of me, whom the doors closed on, had let his friend get on before him. What a nice guy. So we had to wait for another shuttle and even then, there were some people left behind. I ran partways to class and eventually gave up because I was lugging around a textbook in my messenger bag, thinking I’d get rid of it early in the day, but my book’s buyer did not pick up her phone so I will be receiving my payment of scoliosis. I had pulled almost an all-nighter Sunday night to finish all my junks so after I finished some reading in the morning, I decided to take a 13-minute nap. I set my alarm and napped the longest nap ever. I kept wondering if I had really set my alarm and if I actually slept past when I wanted to wake up, but I did not want to open my eyes, because then I’d really be awake. Then I started dreaming, daymaring is more like it. I daymared that I was late to class, which was to have a quiz. Because I use scratch paper to take notes, I panicked because I could not find a single suitable piece of paper to take my quiz on. My professor kept reading off words and not waiting for me, so I was even more flustered. I then woke up out of fear a few seconds before my alarm went off. ‘Twas crazies. Other than that, I have done nothing this week, but Amy did come to visit that day (to use me for my awesome library privileges! haha jk) and we ate lunch at Chipotle. Yummm!

That is all! Here are some pics as promised:

I spent about a year fighting with the financial aid office to help pay for school and what do I get? A miserly number that I’d prefer not to disclose. Let’s just say it’s not even going to cover two quarters of tuition. All this bother with paperwork upon paperwork and I am rewarded with so little. I mean, I’m glad I got something, but this kind of loan is the kind that any student can get, so I could’ve gotten this much money without having to bring in some new obscure document I had to ask my parents to dig up, as if they aren’t busy enough, every other week. I think it’s a lot tougher on parents who are self-employed because the numbers fluctuate so much and all the office sees are numbers. They don’t care about your situation, because numbers prove everything, don’t they? Sure, you can take a second mortgage out on the house, but who wants to add to their debt? Financial aid people are part of the freakin’ problem, the reason why everyone in America is so easily swallowed by debt. Everyone’s borrowing money that doesn’t exist. Doesn’t that seem a little nonsensical to you? And on top of that, why is school so expensive anyway? What are these random stupid fees? Each of my classes charges an extra 24 to 30 bucks and for what? The three pieces of papers that they have given me all quarter? The amount of breath the professor uses up on each individual student? And why do I have to pay a seismic fee for Ackerman and Kerckhoff? I don’t even go to those places! And yet, with all these seemingly useless fees they slap on us and probably profit from, tuition still keeps going up. I miss free public education.

Quick note before I sleep: School fees are up the butt and financial aid is still lagosaurus on my funds. We are not amused!

My paper got the best of me last night. Whoa-oh. Tired and lacking in fluid thought, I gave in to sleep, defeated. Something about writing for classes is just so unsettling. I’m sure it would’ve hurt less if I had started earlier, but when has that ever happened? So here I sit, still afraid to write any further, for all graded papers I receive tell me the same thing: Your argument is not clear. I am a fairly peaceful person and try to avoid arguments as best as I can. It’s much safer on my part.

This is random, but I was just thinking, will the things we’ve known and loved become vintage and cool in the future? Will my grandnieces and -nephews revel in the lesser digitized sounds of audiocassettes? I wonder what the standards are for something old to become cool. One day the young’ns will fight over my extensive pog collection, though, that’s for sure. And I’m thinking the Pokeballs I kept from Burger King that were recalled will be worth quite a bundle. You just wait. ^_^

Anywho, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t watch TV (voluntarily) until after finals, with the exception of Lost…and maybe America’s Best Dance Crew. People are surprised that this show is so popular, but have you seen it?! It’s madness! I’m rooting for Kaba Modern and JabbawockeeZ. The other groups are kinda meh in comparison. BUT anyway, no TV!

By the way, one of my radish seeds sprouted!!

While doing group projects that involve papers, I realized that I am not the most horrible writer at school. I wish I had confidence boosters like this more often. Some try to be nice and tell me that I am not a bad writer at all, because they’ve read my stuff here and it’s not too disgusting, but it’s totally not the same because I write here by choice, whereas school papers are forced upon me and they do upset me so. Plus, how I write here is colloquial and involves lots of made-up words that professors and TAs may not understand.

I have had the same song stuck in my head all day and it refuses to leave. I just start singing it without even realizing it. It’s a song I learned Thursday in choir that’s pretty fun called Lily in the Valley. Here’s a video that’s pretty cool because they’re Brits. haha

It’s been a while since I’ve really said anything. For, I’d say, the past few years I’ve been in sort of a funk. Had ups. Had downs. Many of the latter. It got to the point where I would have fun while I did stuff but after it was over, I was just back to whatever unhappy state I was in. Recently, I have apparently been peering over the edge of my ditch and it looks kind of dandy out there. These past few weeks have been not bad. These past few days alone have been pretty nuts. First, I was whatevers. Then I went through these feelings really fast. Really, really fast:
Sadness-> Excited-> Reminiscent-> Happy-> Relaxed-> Ultra angry-> Enjoying awesome movies-> Slightly angry still but understanding-> Annoyed-> Enjoying cookies-> Overwhelmed by sight of room-> ULTRA shocked-> Mega shocked-> Relieved after mass cleaning-> Out of it-> Giggly-> Whoa-> Hehe.

Yes, Hehe is a feeling for me. There were other feelings here and there, I’m sure. Insert grumpiness and sleepiness wherever. But yeah. I’m feeling pretty alright at the moment. I’ve got two midterms and a book report this week. Hopefully I’ll make it out alive. I think I’m pretty excited about the New Year. I feel like starting over in a lot of aspects of my life. It’ll be a blasty.

Like I said, Everlyn came to pay me a visit and I took her around campus. We took lots of weird pictures and were all sneaky climbing up some stairs and we climbed a tree. I tried to, at least. She bought a very exciting wristband with…Domo? Yes, Domo. Then I traveled ’round town with her, getting boba and such. Watched the same two Jay Chou videos a few times. We talked and laughed and had a gay ol’ time. We met up with some old friends at Buca in Old Town. Yays! Lots of I Spy was played. The next day, I saw the loverly again at a barbeque thing with Pheebo and Jesse. It was freezing but not too freezing to play Guitar Hero.

On MLK, Jr. Day, I finally tried Din Tai Fung. The fancy one. All I can say is…overrated. Sure, the Xiao Long Bao were pretty good, but it wasn’t a life-changing experience. I recall the ones at Shau May being bigger and better. The other dumplings we ordered were sucko and I had to drown them in sauces so they had some actual flavor. I guess I’ll have to try other stuff there, because Michelle says some sort of sesame seed thing is really good. I dunno if it’s worth the wait though. Also got to meet Sweater, cutest bunny ever. Teehee.

I also had Thai food for the first time last week. I think Thai people are in love with peanuts and coconuts, both of which I find to be sort of weird with salty food, and one of which I am allergic to in certain forms. The food was pretty good, though, and the guy with the crazy eyes who has met Bruce Lee in his dreams must’ve followed Jesse there. I think he had a thing for him. That was their third encounter of that day. Even I don’t get told cool stories and then get stalked by homeless people and I live here. And by the way, it’s a good thing my mom packs me food, because according to Cooking Mama, everything I make is going to end up looking like charcoal. And I can’t get the four songs I knew on Rockband out of my head.

This entry was really random. I am just trying to remember stuff and it’s kind of late. Pics, as promised:

PS Forgot to mention Baby Chloe (Photo courtesy of my sis.). My cousin held a one-month banquet for her recently, at which she tossed her baby around like a football to anyone who wanted a picture with her. Good thing she’s a deep sleeper. She’s totally cute and emits heat like crazy. haha.

I really love when people visit me because it happens so infrequently. I don’t really leave my apartment much except to go to school, so it’s nice to be outdoors for other reasons. haha. Anyway, I will post some pictures of my adventures with Everlyn soon, because we did the whole UCLA tourist shabang. And also thanks Jesse for visiting me this week and becoming stalkworthy to the Bruce Lee Hobo!

Side note, nothing to do with visitors:
I always try to make it my goal each year to just try to love everyone and see the good in people, but it’s so hard for me. I know quite a few people who have no trouble being nice to everyone they encounter and ignore the fact that some people are socially handicapped or are just plain jerks, but I simply cannot understand how they do it. Maybe I was just born with a malicious heart and only accept those who I do not find annoying or fake.

I finished my first week of winter quarter and I must say, my classes this quarter are really cool. The one I look forward to most, though, is gospel choir. This style of singing is just amazing. You let the music take over you and just sing as loud as you want. I love it! The other choir I was in was too formal, ugly dresses and all. In this one, they want us to move and get a feel for the music and no uggo dresses! Unfortunately, I confirmed this week that I have no rhythm. I have no rhythm and I don’t know how to let music move me. haha. Because it’s gospel music, we’re supposed to “tell a story with hands,” but I don’t know what to do. I have always had a lot of trouble multitasking and it had never been so apparent until we stood up and had to move with the music. I found myself always out of synch with the others and swaying in the wrong direction, so I’d have to catch myself as I was trying to remember the lyrics as I was singing (since it was only the first day and we ran through the songs quickly) and watch other people to make sure I was going the right way, all well telling a story of some sort with my hands. I’ve been watching videos of gospel choirs on Youtube to try to figure out what I should be going for, because I felt pretty awkward doing what I was doing and after a while, I forgot and was just rocking left and right, no storytelling whatsoever, every once in a while bringing one hand up and then back down. My remedy? I’m going to stand at the end so I stand out less when I’m going the wrong way. And do NOT try to take my spot, because I WILL resort to biting.

The quarter system is tough because it goes by so fast and everything is packed into these ten weeks so my workload is already pretty full, even though it’s only been one week. I already had a quiz Thursday and have tons of reading I’m behind on, which I should be doing instead of updating. Meh.

Last Sunday, my roomies and I reunited and it feeels so good! But we haven’t really had a lot of time to hang out and talk to each other because we had to jump right back into school mode right away. We did, however, get to do our gift exchange Sunday night and we are pretty cool giftgivers, if I may say so myself, and I believe I just did. We did sort of a 99 Cents Store/Dollar Store/something similar Christmas and found some nifty stuff. I love us and keeping the simplicity of Christmas! I will put up pictures when I get them from Heren.

Friday morning, I woke up earlier than I would usually on a day of no school to go a-snowboardin’ with a couple buddies. I had every expectation to knock all of them down as I got off the lift, but lucky for me I barely fell this time coming off, except a couple times where Jesse and I took each other down. haha. Not lucky for me was all the other times I fell, because for some reason, I wasn’t in snowboarding mode or something and I was pretty much helicoptering left and right. I tried to devote this trip to learning to carve toeside when possible, but it didn’t quite happen the way I would have wanted it to. There were a couple brief but successful attempts, but for the most part, I ended up eating it. Just gotta let go of my fears, a mantra I should apply to my life in general. Snowboarding is always fun, though, even when I can’t move the next day.

So I went from looking like a big, gross puff ball in the morning to getting dolled up to go clubbing at Avalon for my friend’s birthday at night. The transition is quite tough, because I usually look like crap. But, you know, every once in a while I’m capable of looking like a girl. What I don’t understand is why club wear is synonymous with as little clothing as possible before it becomes underwear. I’m sure they enjoy the attention from the creepers, but some girls do it up a little too much. I’ve only gone clubbing once before for Nat’s birthday and it was pretty fun, because I ran into my childhood best friend there and it was a night out with the girls. I wasn’t sure if I liked clubbing or not, so Friday night was the deciding factor. I’ve decided…not for me. I’d probably go again with a group of girls, but I’m not a huge fan of the environment. I don’t like being crammed into a sardine can full of sweaty people who are grinding each other to mostly crappy and unbearably loud music. When did that become dancing? I know for a fact that I can’t dance, but I will not resort to freaking. I’d really rather learn to ballroom dance or hip hop or something, because at least those are forms of art. I don’t care if it’s easier, I don’t want anyone’s grubby hands or wee-wees anywhere near me or my bum. If I were to go clubbing again, I’d want to go to a club with a cool theme like ’80s Night or something, hopefully where random people will not come up behind me and attack me with their crotches, and maybe somewhere less packed. I’m not saying that clubbing sucks or anything, it’s just not for me. There was one guy out there who was actually a pretty good dancer and he was just kind of rocking out by himself. More people should dance like him. The coolest thing I ever saw on a dance floor, though, was my friend in high school waltzing to hip hop at homecoming.

At one point, we were in the lobby. I don’t quite remember what we were doing there. I was just standing around and this guy tapped me and looked like he was holding something and said, “Excuse me, you dropped your smile.” Taken aback by this, I was unsure of what to reply with, so I pretended to take it back from him and put it back on my face and said, “Oh thanks.” Then he said something like, “There it is!” and poked me in my dimple and walked away. Weird.

So, a recap of things I learned:

1. I lack rhythm
2. JP aka Cinnamon Bunz dances like a Chippendales dancer
3. My smile has the ability to fall off.
4. Try not to do a shoving motion when you’re trying to catch your balance when coming off a ski lift, because someone might be on the receiving end of that shove, which is what happened to my poor friend, me being the shover.
5. People will dance to any dumb song that has some type of beat, no matter how stupid the lyrics are, and they will sing along.
6. Some janitors and kitchen workers and stuff could actually be like engineers and doctors, but their foreign degrees aren’t recognized here and so they have to start at the bottom in the work force.
7. Ralphs gives you a discount of five cents for bringing your own bag! Think about it, if you were to use a bag you got for a dollar 20 times, that baby would pay for itself!
8. The Subway near my apartment is open 24 hours.
9. Some people pronounce “pin” and “pen” exactly the same.
10. A set of twins got married. I didn’t actually learn that last week, but I wanted to share it.

Pictures to come soon…

This is the time every quarter that I, and probably every other college student, wonder to myself why I slacked off so much throughout the quarter and why I didn’t just read the freaking book but instead put it off until the day before the final. I’m a horrible test taker and rarely ever do well on them. I just want to be on break already! Someone take my finals for me!