I just lost my rain of thought

There have already been ups and downs of summer. Ups: Smallvilles, like OMGerz. Beach! Being far away from Evil One. Oceans 13. Seeing friendlies. Patches getting better. Crazy professor at PCC. Not horrible grades. Downs: Smallville finale, AGHH. Sunburns!! Messy room. Patches getting surgery because of an abcess. Heat. Stupid pants party that took forever that I sat out on. Sitting in an oven of a car because of paranoia. Realizing that I should go somewhere indoors a couple hours into baking in that car. Computer being a bunghole because I probably screwed it up during finals week. Work. Was a few points off from the next grade up for ESS9.

I never did look into working at WaMu. Perhaps it is too late. I don’t know if they have part time jobs, though. I still need to go there to fix my account too. Bah. Speaking of fixing accounts. Anyone ever get that Scholarshare thing in high school? They’re cheating me out of 1000 bucks. Those hos. I’m going to fight for my monies! Roarrr.

I only like blogging when I am on my own computer but Drew Jr. is being an a-hole so I never turn it on anymore; therefore, I do not blog. I might have to reformat and I have the chance to now that my sister got her crazy new external harddrive. YEEAHH. A couple weeks ago I had a hankerin’ for a new flash drive that I could tote around that would be able to fit most of my computer’s junks. Unfortunately, it is thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars that I do not have and probably never will within the next ten years due to debts and out-of-control shopping due to depression from debts, which will in turn cause more debt. That’s what money does to people. Makes them sad. So does global warming. It’s too hot.

I’ve been in such a weird mood. Maybe it was that whole shutting off of the brain and then jumping into summer school the next week. And going out. Unlike some, I like sitting at home with nothing in particular to do. But really, I do have things to do. I knit to avoid cleaning. I clean to try to feel better. But sometimes I get sad because I can’t figure out where to put anything. I’m such a packrat. Bahhh.

I want a job where I don’t hate everything I look at. Everyone who goes in there looks exactly the same because we sell that look to them. Because the CEO, Mr. Scary Old Guy with Cheek Implants, thinks youth is defined by that one look. I guess I’m just feeling kind of bummy. Don’t mind me.

I am so poor. I have bought way too much stuff these past couple weeks. Mother’s Day weekend I bought these and today I bought these for my sister. They look pretty awesome. And I bought a bunch of tops here and there. The problem is, I will not be working this weekend, nor did I work the last, so I really don’t have money to pay for this stuff… haha. Please take pity on me if you see me on the streets living in a box.

I really don’t even like shopping that much, but this past year has mostly sucked and buying stuff makes me feel better sometimes. I never go out specifically to go shopping for myself (except for pants parties!), but when I go with someone and get bored and start looking around, I might find something I like. Then my money tree dies a little.

Speaking of shopping, though, the FIRST EVER Giordano in America is in the mall near my house! WAH! I was just walking, walking, walking, and saw this plant with red ribbon on it because it had opened recently and then I looked up at the sign and was like, HOLY CRAP. Yup. Up until this month, they have only been everywhere else but here, just like Qoo. JK they’ve only been available in Asia, whereas Qoo is really available anywhere but here unless imported. :( But anyway, if you feel the urge to go to Giordano, it’s at the Santa Anita Mall, or I guess Westfield Santa Anita? I never got used to the name. According to the map near one of the bathrooms, though, Westfield shopping centers are all over the world, with the exception Africa and Antarctica. haha.

So I did not do much for Mother’s Day. My children resent me for that time I left them alone in the baking sun inside of my car without the windows cracked open. Just kidding. I do not have kids and that is precisely why I probably never will. I am horrible with children and will most likely forget them at a supermarket or something. Plus, I hate when people are too needy. Not a good combo.

For Mother’s Day, our family did our usual thing and went to have dimsum. We are not big on holidays, but my siblings and I try to do whatever we can. My sister and I paid for dimsum and my sister also paid big bucks for my mom’s portion of our trip this upcoming weekend, which my mom, of course, bragged about to the relatives. haha. That’s what children are for, right? Chinese ones, at least. I had painted a frame for her, but I am not quite sure she liked it. It looks kind of crappy because I am not artsy at all. haha.

I just borrowed the Wicked soundtrack from Helen Thursday night and it is so freakin’ awesome that I have been listening to it nonstop ever since. Yay!

I’ve been wanting to play guitar for quite some time, yes? Yes. I decided I would start during break and seriously, the signs were everywhere. Just like the movie said! Oh my. So I just wanted a used guitar or something. Anything I could dabble with for now until I got better and could possibly need something new but would instead decide to be faithful and stick with ol’ Chance (I’m testing out this name because I met this hot guy with the same name once and it reminded me of the show Strange Luck.). I decided to go to a swap meet to find one because my mom said they had a lot of them the last time she went. I walked the first couple rows with my dad and when my mom met up with us, she took me to the last few rows, which is where she saw them last time. We started from there and walked all the way back to the front and my search seemed hopeless. We skipped some of the rows as we headed towards the front again because my mom was uninterested in anything they had to offer. I was pretty much ready to pass out because I haven’t gotten a whole lot of rest so far this break and I definitely did not sleep much during finals. The sun was shining down on me, making me so sleepy that I almost fell asleep standing while waiting for my mom. She said we were going soon and maybe we’d see something next week, but the whole point of me going was to find one to start learning to play with during break and by next week it’d be too late. As we neared the end of the last row we were at, I turned around, and there standing on a table against the owner’s van…was Chance. My dad didn’t want me to buy it at first, too, due to its oldness, but after a while, he agreed it was okay, since I was just learning how to play. And then instead of me paying for it with my Chinese New Year money, he bought it for me as a gift. Before going on my journey to find a guitar, I was sure I would find one, because the other day, my first time going to the mall to shop and not to work since I don’t know when, I was at Borders with Susan and Tammy and I came across a couple good guitar learning books without even looking or being anywhere near the sections they would be located in. Having walked so many rows at the swap meet to only walk away with a new DDR mat was exasperating. I thought, there has to be something. I can’t wait another week. So right when I was ready to give up on my quest, sleepy, hungry, and sunbeaten, there he was, all shiny and pretty, calling to me with his gleam. I think I am in love.

All I’ve learned so far are the strings’ open notes and tuning. Gotta start with the basics, because I really do want to know how to play. I don’t want to only learn to play songs. I want to read notes and everything. Yayuhh.

Since the last time I wrote, I have gone to a pants party that turned out to be more of a sweater party, because really, what the heck is Ranahann? Even though I have a bunch of other hoodies, I decided Primp hoodies, thumbs up. Wendy, Susan and I bought matching seafoam sweaters because we’re going to start a hip hop group. hahaha. We decided Ashley will be the one spitting rhymes and we’ll be her backup dancers.

I later went to see my brother run the 1600-meter event at a track invitational. Got some pretty awesome action shots that are hilarious when you zoom in on his face. hahaha. I suppose I should recognize some of those people on the track team, but there was not one person that I knew of, besides my brother, of course. I really don’t care to know any of them, though, because.. Well, let’s put it this way. If I knew I acted like them in high school, I think I’d beat myself up. But I like to think that back then I had much more sense and the kids just get more and more immature as the years go by. Yes, that’s it. I worked later on that night and had a conversation that was less superficial than the usual ones. They are nice every once in a while. It’s great to just be able to talk back and forth without really having to think about what to say, because I usually feel like I have to think of something to keep the conversation from lulls.

After getting my guitar the next day, I had dimsum and then came home to start my learnins. I was getting really sleepy again so I stopped after I finished tuning and fell asleep on the floor of my bedroom. Later on I watched the half of Smallville with Friendest that I missed that was about Lana and Lex’s wedding. I HATE THE LUTHORS. GOSH. Watching someone you love marry someone else must be the crappiest feeling ever. Ugh. I seriously cried the first time I saw the last half because of the way Clark asked if Lana stood him up because of his secret and said that he would tell her if it could change her mind. Sigh. Anyway, after that, I had dinner at Green Street Cafe with Susan, Ashley, and Wendy. I feel that I ate too much. After that last piece of Quesadilla, I felt like I was about to burst. We came back to my house to play Mahjong. After a sufficient amount of Mahjong-ing we went to Susan’s house for Babel and cream puffs. Mm mm. Babel was so sad.. It was a good movie though. The way someone described it to me was completely different. I thought it was going to be like a six degrees of separation type of thing from what I heard of it, but I think it’s more about how even though people are of different backgrounds or from different places or are just different from the norm, they still go through the same ordeals. It’s an intense movie.

I had two random memories today. Well, I guess it was actually one yesterday and one just now since the first one came to me at work, where I sometimes ponder the correlation between working there and hating life. I’m kidding. I don’t hate life. Calm down.

Memory number one was about this thing that a family friend said to me once. I believe I was a freshman in high school when she said this. I think she might have asked if I had a boyfriend yet and I said no, so she went on to tell me that there really is no point. She started with how stupid it is that elementary school kids have boyfriends and girlfriends, because one, they are naive and don’t know how to care for others, and two, as soon as they get to middle school, there are more options, because there are better kids from other schools. And it’s stupid to find someone once you get there because once you get to high school, there’s more people to choose from who are even better and more mature (the mature part is not always true). But what’s the point in choosing someone in high school, she asked, when you’re going to go off to college where there is definitely going to be someone better? She said to me (or something along these lines) that dating during your secondary education is somewhat overrated because no matter what, the next place you go will have someone more suitable. It doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s just a theory. It was sort of an awkward and one-sided conversation because I don’t usually talk to older people about relationships and stuff, especially people who are friends with my parents. But I think it’s an interesting concept.

My second memory made me laugh when I thought of it. It was about 4.5 years ago when I went to China. My aunt was talking to my mom about the son of this lady they knew. He was getting to be at an unmarriageable age and my aunt was saying that he’s pretty creepy. They started saying how they shouldn’t bring my sister and me to visit them because he would scare us. Hahaha. Then my aunt, in her low gossiping voice and with her face of disapproval (all Asian ladies have one), she said something along the lines of, “He’s such a good looking guy. It’s a shame he’s so creepy.” Hahah. Everyone’s gotta have a flaw somewhere.

I got a haircut a week ago. I like it, but it gets kind of crazy since I have “nightmare hair” (a professional hairstylist/make-up artist told me this once) and it looks like my Chinese TA’s hair before she got it straightened. I think only my roommate realized it had been cut, but it’s okay, I didn’t really see anyone this week due to finals, which I AM FRICKEN DONE WITH. YES! They were crappy and did not go that well, in case you wanted to know. I accomplished great things this week, though. Michelle and I went rockclimbing at Wooden for the first time, because I’ve been saying that I wanted to climb the rock wall since forever, forever meaning the first time I saw it at orientation. We attempted two walls and I was very sore for the next couple days. I finished the first wall with difficulty and failed the second with ease. :)  I made it more than halfway but my arms basically gave out near the end so I decided to end there and try again another time.

I was obsessing over my March Madness Bracket since the games started but after the first round, I was just too bummed to obsess over it anymore. At the last moment, another two, in addition to two others, of my teams decided to suck and not win. I wanted to go all the way!! I wanted to win money to pay for school from Facebook! Wahhh! Oh well. Maybe next year.

SPRING BREAK! WOOOOOO! I’m goin’ to a pants party today! I really want to learn guitar. I’m gonna see if I can buy a cheap one from somewhere on Sunday. I saw this guide to learning guitar at Borders on sale. There are signs everywhere! Or just one place. Same thing. OH signs..I watched Fools Rush In yesterday on TV because I like Matthew Perry and I thoroughly enjoy practically all chick flicks because they make me think that there are some guys out there who aren’t complete idiots. And man is the song they play during the credits awesome. It’s Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis, of course. I love that song. I’m so glad there is an Elvis version because the first version I ever heard of it was the one that came out in the 90s that was all reggaed out and probably sung by non-Jamaicans. I really don’t like reggae much and for some reason, the 90s was a popular decade for crappy reggae songs. I also hated Informer (I think that was the name) and Red Red Wine, probably also sung by non-Jamaicans. I know for a fact that the singer of Informer was a white guy from Canada, who cleverly called himself Snow. But anyway, I liked Fools Rush In. The whole sort of theme of the movie was that there are signs everywhere, which I somewhat believe, but I usually ignore them till it’s too late. :\

Hello. I know I haven’t been blogging all too much lately but this is due to lack of anything interesting going on in my life, especially being sick, because all I really want to do is eat and sleep. Or Facebook, but when I sign in to that, I end up just looking at it and then closing it because I don’t have anything to say to people. I suppose I’m in a bit of a lull. I don’t know if I just made that word up or not. Lull. Or if I’m even using it correctly. Hum. Anyway, there really hasn’t been much going on. If you’ve talked to me in person this past week, you’d notice that I sound like I’m dying because of all the coughing I do. Each day, I really feel better than the day before but my self-diagnosed bronchitis, I assume, is causing my insides to be inflamed and therefore I continue the coughin’. My insides are just so darn itchy. I want an inhaler. At least I can talk again. And pretty normal too. Yay! For half a day I had the sexy sick voice. hahaha. But that didn’t last all too long. At least I got to do a little serenading before it went back to pretty normal. I think it’s because I didn’t talk as much at work as I did the night before because one of the biggest idiots of all time was working and when he’s around all I want to do is break things. Preferably his glasses. Yeah, I’m all talk. I don’t actually want to break his glasses because that’s kind of mean, even though he totally deserves it and he’s kind of a waste of space at work because he’s basically getting paid to make everyone around him unproductive.

Didn’t do a whole lot this weekend, but it wasn’t bad. I hung out with Wenderita and Pei Pei Friday and Saturday. Friday I went with them and watched them eat pho. haha. I had already eaten and just wanted to hang out with them. Saturday I woke up late. Cry. I was supposed to wake up at 8 to do laundry but I went back to sleep and didn’t wake up until Wendy and Pei Pei were outside of my house. Ah! But yeah, we went to buy jeans and I am quite delighted with my purchase and am grateful that my favoritest Denim Road Show star was guiding me <3 Unfortunately, I’m now very poor and I’m not sure if I can pay off my loan next weekend. hahaha. But I’ve got my Sevens! I’m kidding. I can pay it off with my next paycheck. It’s just that I was hoping to stay at school next weekend so I suppose I will be deciding Friday if I can stay when I find out whether my direct deposit thing went through at work or not. Oooh spontaneity. OH and I hung out with my buddy Wen Zou. He built like a mansion out of cards at i-Cafe. He’s probably going to be famous one day for card castle building. Or taking pictures because he knows how to do cool things. Even with my basic function camera! All I could do was take a funny picture where he has gigantor hands. Boo. Yup. Then there was work and the urge to kick the dumb guy in glasses whose mere existance pains me.

So I’ve been thinking about how unfair the heart can be sometimes. Here’s the sitcheeation: There’s someone that you’ve fallen for but you know that nothing will happen because that person either told you or made it clear that this is so or is just sooo not into you or something of that matter so you kind of get over it and move along, maybe become friends or somethang. What else can you do? You’ve already been shot down or have confirmed that nothing’s going to happen. But what if one day they get the fuzzy feelings and start showing interest? You know you’ll just drop everything and show some reciprocation when the opportunity presents itself. Chyeah. Not cool, right? Especially when this person comes back occasionally and ruins your life. You might tell them you hate them for ruining your life, like I did, but really you don’t. But now you must destroy them, because somehow, without them knowing it, they indirectly made your life that much more sucky. Yargh.